My Path

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An Awakening

Well today i was consumed by the virus of intimidation. Not a big man standing over me or a weasel of a person wanting to sell my secrets to the medias portrayed by Hollywood but something far more sinister, Self intimidation and self doubt.

Since taking on uni i have allowed so much doubt to enter my mind “ im going up against people half my age “ to “ it’s the wrong time in my life i should have done this years ago”  to “ you don’t learn or retain things as easy at 40  “ to “ how badly am i going to embarrass myself “to “ i have to much other things in my life to sort out, how do i balance it ?” which leads to the stereo type of “ im just not good enough “and in turn these negative self thoughts have in fact allowed me to be my own worst enemy ,,,they have allowed me to feel intimidated by what in essence is only  a task or equation. See a mathematician would probably look at this as the chances of success in Uni depends on the percentage of commitment to the courses x hours spent studying and learning the theory – negative thoughts – distractions = Success.

And seriously when you look at this it makes sense, we all no matter what age we are have our own distractions and doubts and negatives in our own lives but its those who out weight it with commitment, focus and hard work who will get through at the end.

I have allowed myself to get my mind to the degree where i look for excuse instead of cure, reasons why i could fail instead of reason s why i will succeed.

Lets face it i have the internal scale completely lop sided, and needs a lot of work but its all do able.

As i mentioned in an earlier thread its all about i believe stacking up the small wins against the negatives till confidence pears out overlooking the field of negativity.

We choose to live how we live , we choose the state we are in by allowing outside influences either enough power or not to control our mind set or emotions.

It’s like real estate , you go for a drive with a real estate representative and he takes you to a lovely up beat suburb were the birds seem happier and the sun seems brighter and you can see a community growing with pride and passion, then he takes you to a terrible house in a more negative suburb of town where the thing you notice are the rubbish on the streets the graffiti on the walls and the weather just seems to have changed to doom and gloom.

So which one given the choice would you live in? It’s not a hard decision really is it ?

Then why are the outside or inside influences you allow to control your state any different?

So i am going to keep living for the challenge and keep studying and training and keep pushing myself and keep building up the small wins and victories while looking forward with my focus and ambition as i know this is the only way to get through the challenges  that life can throw in our way.