Pain is temporary, failure lasts forever

Well what can i say? I am sitting here in the best kind of pain anyone can be in…Victorious pain I am sitting here and every time my leg hurts or gets a spasm i look up to my shirt and medal i received achieving our latest challenge The Brisbane marathon and a feeling of pride and satisfaction rushes over me.

Im getting a bit ahead of myself i am guessing, so let’s go back to the start.

A week ago today i was pretty disappointed with the lack of work and feeling a bit down, and knew i had to do something to bounce out of it so when i received an email brochure of upcoming sporting events I knew this was just what i needed, and on opening the email, one race seemed to stick out more than others, “The Brisbane’s 150 Anniversary Marathon”. When i went upstairs to tell Sarah of it” her first comment was “you’re crazy, the best we have done is a 10 klm race” proving once again she is not just beautiful, she is Intelligent also, but within a day she had warmed to the idea.

Within a day it had gone from not an “If “or a “could” or a “maybe” to a “we are!!!” and that’s when it all began. The excitement was there (how awesome, a decent challenge) but then the fears started to creep in “ can i do this?” and how many people have died doing a marathon when there not ready?” and of course the “ you know you have not trained for this”, and as they crept in i tried to sweep them under the blanket and think of other things.

Then the night before the race i had a real bad time of it. The voice of fear was no longer a voice but yelling!!!. Sarah was not only beautiful she was right; we were not ready for this. So i voiced a couple of fears on my facebook account like (Brooke Honig 15 hours till the big race….what have i done!!!!) and went up stairs to attempt sleep.

When i awoke after a terrible night sleep i was panicky and nervous, i knew i couldn’t back out of it but also knew, or thought i was not ready for it either, so i made myself a coffee and went down stairs, so as to not erupt over the slightest thing. And when i turned on my computer i was informed summer had officially arrived and today was going to be 32C (89.6F) GREAT!!!!! And then i found this as a response to my facebook comment

Linda AwakeAtLast “Don’t get too worked up about it. You can run/walk all you want. It IS a huge undertaking – so what? The HUGE goals are the ones that keep you on your toes, right? But I know how you are feeling. I kept thinking the same thing as I was preparing to jump out of the plane… You are going to be just fine – listen to your body and when it says you’ve given all you have to give – then you’re done! FEEL VERY PROUD FOR DOING THIS!!! Can’t wait to hear from you afterward!”

This is just what i needed to see and read, so with this new found wisdom and the voices still there, we hoped in Bryn’s car and away we went.

On arrival the nervousness did indeed get worse and the excitement and anticipation of the start mixed into each other, all these young guys and girls getting around looking like they would finish the race in a blink of an eye, but i was not here to compete against them, i was here to compete against myself.

So we line up for the race, as the group grows in size,we slowly move our way down the back of the pack so as to not hold anyone up, then it happened….we were off!!! To start with i felt good and like i knew what i was doing, left foot was landing just in front of the right as it was lifting up, yup all good, then about five klms in I felt the thing i was dreading, my left hip (which i have been having troubles with flared up) just to remind me it was still there.

My mind went to all the worst paces, “how could this happen”, “this is a sign”, “yup you will fail” then it hit me and hit me hard “Pain is temporary, failure lasts forever!!!!” So with this i changed my pace and kept on going, but i was still having trouble breathing which i just couldn’t understand.

Sarah picked up on it and hit the nail on the head with “in your anticipation you are hyperventilating, slow your breathing “and she was right so i calmed it down. We got to the 10 klm marker and Sarah said “well we have made it this far anything more is a bonus” and she was so right, at this point we were sore but well and truly still in the game, we were not near any of the runners but happy we were there and doing it together and in a weird way every k after that 10k marker felt awesome, in pain but awesome.

Seeing a whole new part of Brisbane we had never seen and also seeing the city wake up around us was brilliant as we made our way up to the Brisbane botanical garden, then down by the river where to our right the abseilers were getting started for the day climbing the rock face. However it was about at the 17 klm marker disappointments started to happen, first up we were miss directed by the course Marshal and sent to the finish line, …..but we had not finished so we made sure we didn’t cross and ran around to see the marshal, then the marshals we asked could not tell us how to get back on the race to complete it till five minutes later.

Then as we where around the 23 klm stage, bodies sore and sunburnt , one of the officials informs us they have had to close up the drinks stages and that we could continue on if we wished but there would be no medical or rehydration available to us if we chose to continue on ….which we did.

It was really starting to wear on us as sun was beating down and fatigue started to show its signs,then we realised that they had also taken away the direction signs along the route…..quick thinking made me look at my Garmin 310 XTscreen, and look through the GPS run route..Fortunately the second lap was a repeat of the first so all we had to do was stay on the line we had previously created and we were fine. A little more time consuming but we would still finish.

By the time we had gotten to the 30 klm mark our bodies were really starting to wear, and Sarah passed on a comment of we could finish now, but we both knew this was not going to happen, so we pressed on up over the bridge, back into the Botanical Gardens and back over the River.

By this point our bodies and minds were so far beyond it is wasn’t funny, with the crap set up of the race and the punishment we had put our bodies through we were only going on heart and wanting to finish what we had started.

Three K from the finish line an official rocked up to us in her car and informed us the race was over and had been packed up, and if we wanted she could give us a lift back!!!! Fighting back the anger of having no finish line to cross and the insult of being asked if we wanted a lift in the damn car 3 ks from the finish, we kept on going and pushed on.

Later in discussion we both agreed it was those last three k,s that were the killer yet probably the ones that most defined us and the ones we know we could not turn away from. Battered and broken in body and almost spirit i can honestly say we crossed that line with nothing left, but there was no cheer, no crowds of people cheering us on, no banner to run through or finish line box to take a photo at, no podium…there was nothing but us …achieving our goal and completing our own personal challenge…it really made no difference to us, yes it would have been nice to have all the ticker tape and glory of crossing that line with cheers, but the only people who were there where the ones most important….us as we completed our Challenge and more than that, see, and support each other as we put our bodies and minds on the line and go through extremes that would have broken others, and experience pain and disappointment we never thought possible, yet come out together at the other end victorious.

As we sat down and had a cold drink an official arrived to give us our medal and inform us how proud we should be, and how sorry she was they seemed to have given away my official finishers t-shirt (the one when you pre book they take your size and put it next to your name for when you finish) and how sorry she was they had to give me one three sizes too small. So as a sum up Yes the race was poorly managed and poorly run and they seem to have no duty of care towards there runners, but as a life experience ??

We would not have missed it for the world.

The future looks bright, actually it looks totally AWESOME as there is absolutely nothing we cant face!!!!!

This weeks Challenge!!!!

Well i have just got out of the bath where i was drinking some champagne and reading a new book i have picked up called “ The Naked Entrepreneur: A Millionaire’s Journey from Fear to True Wealth ”which at this point i am finding very good. Like i have read many books on where we come from in our reactions, ad do with come from a place of fear or a place of truth, but i have not come across a book that has put it in a way i can actually relate to. Anyways i will get back more in greater detail at another time but it has driven a few things home to me and given me a few things to put into practice. Like adding two columns to my diary/Journal, one for truth and the other for fear and as things pop up or happen i tick which i believe i came from when it happened and how i dealt with it. It is surrounded by how much energy i am wasting on talks and seeing the waste involved which i think is pretty cool . Also tomorrow i D Day, i give up smoking. Giving up smoking is easy i have done it several times!!! Ok on a serious note i think the reasons why i have failed at this in the past is that i have been pressured to give up by others yet not really wanting to give up myself. Well i guess i have finally come to a time in my life where it is what i want to do. See i have gotten to a point in my training where i am not really improving at this is obviously mostly due to the smoking. So i have to make a judgement call and decide which i am going to give up , tri training or smoking. It really is a no brainer, i have put far to much time money and effort into my training not to continue especially before actually entering a tri. But there are other reasons also so here they are

MY REASONS FOR GIVING UP

The best in life for me is yet to come so i have to stop crippling myself for when it happens

I want my children one day when they are ready to re enter my life and i will be at my fittest for when that happens

One thing that is important to me is marriage and to have children and a loving caring family so this is where my personal commitment to that starts

To take my fitness to the highest level i can without excuses or deliberate reasons

To stop using smokes as a crutch and stop living in fear…of what will happen if i give up or how will i handle issues once i give up ……I just will handle it simple

RESOURCES I was given a book by my nephew a few years back by Allan Carr Easyway to give up ….last time i seriously gave up was after reading this i also have the audio of it Quitline….In the past i have not used this resource as i find it weak but i will be giving it a go

When i need a smoke i will either go for a walk or do push ups

If all else fails i will go to the doctor and look into there options or try acupuncture

LIVESTRONG.com a good support resource

Also i am going green starting tomorrow also which means i pretty much only drink water …except for my morning coffee and only eat green growing food which are obviously vegetables for ten days . I did this once before and felt awesome So there ya have it ,

i will update as we go

My Path

Collages

Moving Forward

Well last night I was frustrated as hell as I made the decision not to race today due to illness. Truth of the matter is I am all flued up. I have been frustrated I guess due to all the working out I have done, in my mind I guess I figured im healthy I shouldn’t get sick…..then I did some reading and it seems that’s anything but the truth. Same as I have been told in the past exercise and working out is a good way of avoiding depression, once again that’s wrong.

So where did I go wrong?? Not doing my research!!!

See from what I have seen and what I have read my beliefs have pretty much been my own fault, as I didn’t do the groundwork before hand.

I took on training like a typical male with a typical males perspective, looking at just the hard work that needs to be done and not looking or taking an interest into the finer details like recovery, sleep patterns, diet the whole package really, and this has pretty much been my down fall.

See I took the Hollywood approach with my blinders on and believed that just doing the hard work and working the muscles would make me stronger and in turn healthier which is dead wrong. The few races I have done, on arrival home I would float in and out of a form i guess of depression asking myself questions like , IS that it? Why didn’t I do better? Am I told old to be doing this? Why am I running against kids?, and is this really worth it?

Well it appears ONCE AGAIN I am not Robinson Crusoe in this and its perfectly normal.

So I like a mug go out and work my body harder and harder each day and knock it around and expect by some miracle to feel bigger faster stronger the next day….ummmm WRONG!!!!!!!!

So as Edison must have done as he blew up light globe 978 I sat back and reviewed my goals and the reasons why these were important and reevaluated the situation. If nothing changes nothing changes , this I know for certain, so I had to again reevaluate how important this lifestyle was for me and what I was willing to do in order to move forward.

So I guess this is where it starts all over again , Why am I doing this????? So lets see the reasons

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT ????

I want to be as fit and healthy as humanly possible to push my limits in different directions than I have to achieve goals I am for. I have so much more I wish to do with this life , so much more than I could possibly write down here and to be able to do all these things I have to be in my peak state. Plus I have come across a clear awakening that in order for me to achieve in ALL areas of my life I need to keep challenging myself and stacking up my wins no matter how small.

REASONS WHY

I got to see my father grow old before his time right in front of my eyes and I refuse to have this happen to me.

Plus I have lived the first part of my life with the wrong information and wrong beliefs and I need to be strong and healthy to reverse as much of it a I can.

I feel good, no scratch that I feel great when I am working out and pushing myself and achieving I feel anything is possible.

I have dreams and visions yet to become reality and I owe it to myself to make these things happen.

I cant go back in time with the views and thoughts I have now but I can stride further and faster towards making things happen in my future with clear plans and decisions.

To blog my process for my children to read and learn and for those who had the sme clouded beliefs as I to learn from

Life without challenges is a coma…

That which does not grow dies…

SO I have enough reasons why the next obvious thing to work out is what I have been doing wrong?

-Well lets see pretty much everything I think

-My diet has not changed

-I don’t make enough effort to hydrate more with water

-My sleep patterns are crap, bed at 12 or 1 then up at 4am

-I don’t have a schedule as such its off one thing and on to another.

- obviously my commitment level has not been at its optimum

HOW

This is were both your commitment level and your determination is measured, what am I willing to do to change?

Diet – Alkalize ….only drink water and only eat green foods grown from the earth for at least 10 days

Then

Hydrate more with water, get rid ( at least for awhile ) of coffee, colas , alcohol , basically anything not water

- Eat healthy , more fruits and nuts and vegetables, less cheese and meat and junk food. Use fish and chicken as an alternative to meat and look at my portion limits make the vegetable portion a lot more than the fish or chicken. When deciding on a meal look at what vegetables I want first then what chicken or fish will compliment it not the other way around.

- change sleeping habits , bed at 9 up at 4, if you cant sleep, go back to reading instead of tv

Have a meeting every Sunday

- work out my work outs for the week

- Draw up budgets for the week

- Study plan

- Work plan

- Commitment’s Lions club and Yes Group

- What calls need to be done

- Recognize frustration is a waste of power and energy and a waste of a valuable commodity you will never get back….. time

- Recognize that after a race there will be a flat period and that this is normal

SO there we have it, even though I do not get to feel the satisfaction of crossing that line today , I get to feel satisfaction and victory over creating the game plan which will get me across many, many more lines and sweet victories, with this blueprint my life can get back to were I want it to be .

My Racing Adventure and the lesson learned

What i learned today Well today was D Day for me . The race i have been in training for finally arrived. The Doomben 10 klm race!!!!! It was also a half Marathon but i only did the 10 klm. Well this was my first race ever and what a race it was. My only pre requests where To finish no matter what Not to hurt myself And probably the most important thing …..TO ENJOY IT !!! So i would look forward to doing it again. So last night i could not sleep, even though i knew full well that i needed to be up at 4:30 am on Sunday i just could not sleep. Every possible thing that could go wrong raced through my head and every conceivable doubt like “ what the hell are you doing taking on running and racing at 40?? “ to “Haven’t you heard on the news in the past of people who die doing this type of thing? “ to “No way are you healthy enough, you will probably pull out half way through “and the ultimate “ i am going to be so embarrassed crossing the line last”. Yup if you can think it , i probably thought it. So of course the morning comes around and th self doubt has not disappeared, if anything it was worse due to the anxiety of getting to the race. So i shuffled around in the morning and got my gear together, we loaded up the car an headed out to Doomben. Thinking “ well if we run out o fuel its not my fault i didn’t run “ and maybe the road works could hold us up long enough to miss the race” yup i was on fire with this crap which only got worse on arrival. So we arrive and there are people everywhere and mean everywhere . All these YOUNG, healthy fit people stretching and jogging on the spot and getting prepped and not sweating it, they had done this many times before. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE? I CANT COMPETE WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!!!! And that’s when it hit me, they were all here to compete against each other whereas i was here to compete against myself. Or more importantly To prove something to myself. I knew what my training time was so i had that to beat , but also this was a learning experience to see how to run in a pack, and see if i would crumble under pressure. So with this new found thoughts i put my running chip on my shoe laces and pinned my number to my chest and we approached the line. What an amazing intense feeling standing there amongst that crowed, all the adrenaline pumping and people keen and eager to get of the mark…..the energy and happy vibes were intoxicating!!!! I could see the attraction now, this huge influx of vibes coming in from all directions with people with smiles on their dials. So the race starts and you take off with the crowed , not even realising you are keeping up and going strong till your loving partner reminds you its only the start and we don’t want to burn out to fast, so we tone it back and that’s when he internal conversations take over. You start becoming aware of your breathing and your stride and your pace, and yo start making judgments on how you feel. You feel your body and notice little niggling pains and try to change your pace or stride to accommodate it . But this is only going on in the back ground as you are watching the other runners and studying there style and methods. You look for the klm markers and start to get excited as your passing them “ Yeah baby im doing it “ and look forward to the next drink marker taking in the new scenery and the beauty of the day. Quietly cheering people on as they go by you and just generally having a great time proving to yourself you can do it . Anyway as we are coming to the Finish line the adrenaline really does kick in and even with sore legs and badly chaffed arms you pick up the pace to cross that line with a loud internal YESSSSS!!!!! We completed the race in one hour thirty five minutes which is 17 minutes better than our last time. It was truly a liberating moment , all the crap i have been dealing with, all the things that have either not worked , or come through and all the feeling of failure for that moment slip away….you did it . As i never really did sports nor was encouraged to do so i think this is a valuable lesson here to be learned for everyone that i missed out on. For Man to enjoy his life and be the most he can be MUST test himself on a regular basis, and especially when times are hard and not going the way you planned. You have to start stacking up those positive and personal wins no matter how big or small they are to balance yourself out. And its not about winning the race and doing the victory lap it is far more significant, it is about proving to yourself your still in the game , and you can still change , and that is this is how you roll!!!!!…. And that surrounding yourself with positive people and positive influences and allowing yourself to become intoxicated with positive vibes is the ONLY way to achieve positive outcomes in your life. If i had approached this race with positive thoughts instead of the negative lead up i gave it the outcome may have been different but oh what a lesson learned!!!! Anyway i better get back to looking up the next race , i will keep ya updated

What motivates you? The Fight With Me!!!!!

This week i was asked what motivates me, what keeps me pumped. I must admit this has thrown me a bit trying to work out what it is that has got me off my ass.

All i can put it down to was towards the end of last year i spent a lot of time reflecting on me and what i had become. Was i happy with my achievements and life ? my body and what it represents? And the fast answer was NO!!! I had become lazy and lethargic, i had easily become the old man before my time , I would avoid things that stressed m body or that which would tire me out. I looked at the choices i have made over the past forty years and have come to the conclusion there are a lot of bad ones for what ever reasons.

I had stopped testing myself and in turn proving me to myself

Yeah sure i could run the ball of excuses and explain it all to my self and others to make it all seem rational and even help me sleep at night but what is the point of continuing lieing to myself?

Simple fact of the matter is no excuse is good enough anymore, im sure we could all come from a place of

I came from an abusive family

I wasn’t loved enough

I am angry all the time because of the way i was treated as a boy

I don’t trust people because of what has happened with the few i did trust

I m not clever enough to do this

I was always told i was an idiot

Hell there is a long list of um im sure we all have, and use  from time to time that we  take solace from, but at the end of the day they were our own choices. I chose to live in excuses instead of living in life, denial over reality.

We stop testing ourselves when failure is the only thing we see and we become comfortable with not achieving or doing and just survive…

Simple fact of the matter is , whether i like it or not i have become a person who lives in excuses, an self justification. Which is not the real me. Problem is i have le the lazy asshole take over the real me . The truth of the matter was the real me was completely different. When i was a kid i had ( what i was told ) way to much energy!!! i was always getting into trouble and strife, doing the things i shouldn’t. I had ample loads of energy and i seemed to get board so quick it was as soon as i finished one thing i was on to the next. And because i was so full o and energetic i had no trouble sleeping because i would burn out during the day and dreaming was always awesome as i was creative.  Two thing i really miss in my life.

The simple thing we have to understand is we all have ” Multiple personalities “or if you chose to look at them diffidently, different places we live in within out lives which are made up off for me anyways

Lazyandlostville-  sit on the coach watch tv

Why do i have to do it

I am to busy doing this or that….

to

Excussvile - its not my fault

its how i was raised

I didn’t know any better

Whyshoulditown – whats the point

its to late in life now

What do i think i am going to achieve ?

I am not that young anymore

I had my chance i blew it

Youngville - why cant i ?

I can do that

Would it be fun to….

I can do it , just watch me

there are 24 hours in a day

I will sleep when im dead

Watch this….

And i am sure there are many many more but these are probably the main once i live in. So where do we go from here?

Well see that points easy, choose the one you CHOOSE to live in

For me its Youngsville, which is he opposite to where i have been living. So how do i take up residence in youngsville ? Once again this seems easy, go completely against the responses i have trained myself to do. A prefect example is, i awake in the morning make my coffee and the brain kicks in ” our not going for a run this morning are you ? how much more of this are you going to do? you know most men of forty  don’t run, ” and the speach goes on and on if i choose to allow it….

As i have previously stated i have not and am not happy with the choices i have made coming from the places i have spent time so why continue to follow them? in essence when ever i make a choice….i will take the opposite one. And i will continue to do so until this habit has been changed for good and i am living in a more testing progressive live as apposed to the sedate boring one i have chosen in the past to live in . And the beauty of it is the more i do it sooner or later this won even be a choice, it will be a habit…and then life will rock!!!!

So basically i am taking the REBEL aproach against myself.

who am i running against? Myself

Who am i fighting against ? myself and my old habits

Who have i got to be proud of or blame at the end of the day ? Myself

Who is going to build my new future ?Myself

How am i going to do this ? with Grit , energy , education,love and respect and power i will receive and earn with every victory no matter how small….

Today’s Early Morning Break Throughs

Well it is now Wednesday here the 26th ( i just realised the blog is in American time so places my posts a day behind , a little annoying) and we have just got back from our 6.5k , still not happy with the time but in saying this i am trying to get used to the distance. I just have come to realise at the age of 40 i am still like a little kid and to impatient. I want everything now and don’t spend the time to realise what it is i am trying to achieve. Anyway i amWell it is now Wednesday here the 26th ( i just realised the blog is in American time so places my posts a day behind , a little annoying) and we have just got back from our 6.5k , still not happy with the time but in saying this i am trying to get used to the distance. I just have come to realise at the age of 40 i am still like a little kid and to impatient. I want everything now and don’t spend the time to realise what it is i am trying to achieve. Anyway i am back having a protein drink and trying not to think about the soreness in my knees and thighs. I definitely do my best thinking early in the morning when doing my exercise and have been reminded of one of life’s greatest facts ….” nothing changes unless something changes “ Now what I mean by this is i have had a very rough year work wise and it has really made my self esteem and pride take a serious hit. And my mind keeps going to “why me ? What did I do? “And then it hit me …..I did nothing ….now this is big Zenish . Not that I did nothing so I don’t deserve it …its “ I have issues and problems I have avoided and have done nothing about “ I have lived with the philosophy of “ ignorance is bliss “ or “ I will fix it when i have the time “ What if this is the time the universe has set aside for me to sort through the crap i have not dealt with in order to move forward? Like i have not been totally lazy, i have taken on the sport of Tri racing and training and also commitments to my local community like Lions but i have not been addressing what i really need to. The stuff which keeps holding me back, and stops me from moving forward and stops me from being able to have visions of the future i want. Isn’t it funny how (probably more so as a male , well that’s all i have experience with ) how we avoid the things which mean pain or failure, yet in avoiding it we only make the pain and the feeling of failure worse? I have a few “issues” i definitely need to deal with and need to deal with now in order to move forward and not rob myself of the future i not only need but deserve, and as my issues are what i would believe to be common for men in my situation i would not mind documenting it so others can use it and learn from it and may be see a process they themselves can use to see that light at the end of the tunnel again. These ARE issues i nee to deal with in order to go forward and the reasons why are ? -I want to own a house again -Be able to get loans again -Raise a loving caring family -have pride in myself and where i am going again And none of these can or will happen till i take stock of what has happened and deal with it Will ponder this for a bit today and get back with a plan of attack!!!! back having a protein drink and trying not to think about the soreness in my knees and thighs. I definitely do my best thinking early in the morning when doing my exercise and have been reminded of one of life’s greatest facts ….” nothing changes unless something changes “ Now what I mean by this is i have had a very rough year work wise and it has really made my self esteem and pride take a serious hit. And my mind keeps going to “why me ? What did I do? “And then it hit me …..I did nothing ….now this is big Zenish . Not that I did nothing so I don’t deserve it …its “ I have issues and problems I have avoided and have done nothing about “ I have lived with the philosophy of “ ignorance is bliss “ or “ I will fix it when i have the time “ What if this is the time the universe has set aside for me to sort through the crap i have not dealt with in order to move forward? Like i have not been totally lazy, i have taken on the sport of Tri racing and training and also commitments to my local community like Lions but i have not been addressing what i really need to. The stuff which keeps holding me back, and stops me from moving forward and stops me from being able to have visions of the future i want. Isn’t it funny how (probably more so as a male , well that’s all i have experience with ) how we avoid the things which mean pain or failure, yet in avoiding it we only make the pain and the feeling of failure worse? I have a few “issues” i definitely need to deal with and need to deal with now in order to move forward and not rob myself of the future i not only need but deserve, and as my issues are what i would believe to be common for men in my situation i would not mind documenting it so others can use it and learn from it and may be see a process they themselves can use to see that light at the end of the tunnel again. These ARE issues i nee to deal with in order to go forward and the reasons why are ? -I want to own a house again -Be able to get loans again -Raise a loving caring family -have pride in myself and where i am going again And none of these can or will happen till i take stock of what has happened and deal with it Will ponder this for a bit today and get back with a plan of attack!!!!