Living in Challenging times!!!!

Well as some who read this might know i have been going through a very challenging time frame as of late. And to top it off i tore my calf muscle 4 weeks ago. I was living alone at the time and could hardly move in a two storey house were every movement involved crutches. Yup life was very challenging indeed, laying and sleeping on the couch and arguing with myself i wasn’t hungry so i wouldn’t have to go through the pain of using the crutches two sizes too big to get me to the kitchen to actually make something, and showering on crutches is an experience i hope none of you ever need to experience. Going to the Doctors was a great time also being told i would be on crutches for at least 2 weeks and couldn’t run or train for eight otherwise i would risk doing worse damage. Laying on the couch it didn’t take long for my mind to go to self pity land “why me “ “where are those who care about me? Why is no one helping ?” yup fell right into it, and if someone phoned i made sure they felt my pain also. I was not in a good place emotionally or physically at all. With time, healing started to happen and this is where i learned when too listen to my body and environment and when not to. I was testing my leg, walking short distances without crutches, like to the toilet and shower and kitchen. It hurt a little at first but felt good to be mobile again. So this evolved to going a bit further everyday.. walking down the stairs or to the letter box to check the mail, eventually to seeing how driving was. I got in the car in a sweat, slowly reversing with my mind thinking what to do if the leg gave in and went for a drive in a deserted part of town at 3am on a week night so i knew there would be no traffic or pedestrians. Other than a light strain feeling for a little bit all went well and it was a successful experiment, finally i had regained my INDIPENDANCE!!!!!!!! So after week three, all was going well, short works were going down easier and easier, and my confidence and inner voices were very pleased. And this is where the real challenge happened. I had inner conflict. From the Doctor saying don’t risk it you will do more damage maybe perminate, to my inner self saying “hey you are doing this easy, why not break into a light jog? Why not go a bit further or harder??? “but instead of listening to it , i continued on with my journey to repair. Each week going a little further and a little harder and stoping at the slightest twinge, i DECIDED not to sabotage my success of healing or repair. I decided that little voice that was trying to push me to go harder was the same damn voice which when i was running un injured was telling me “ you have no more stop” or “slow down you can’t do it “ or “ it is a hot day why are we running past the hotel, we could go in for a cold refreshing beer and then continue” the same voice which was sabotaging my progress in health was now also sabotaging my healing, not to mention the pain and anguish it put me through giving me the “poor me “ issues when i was laid up on the couch all alone.. Once i realised this, it was easy to ignore it, this is my demon who is out to stop me no matter what, this is the voice i never ever listen too. I have learned i do not need anyone , i have my strength and power to get through everything, and that the only person i answer too is myself. So now i am slowly returning to running and enjoying it, i might only be doing 2 klm’s every second day and slowly BUT i am doing 2 klm’s Every Second Day and each week it will grow. Sometimes the little voice are just not right to listen too……..

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